If these boundaries aren’t in place before you begin dating, you’ll effectively set your new love up to be the target of your HCP ex.
She’ll probably become your ex’s target regardless, but at least you won’t be complicit making her the scapegoat.
What matters more than the passage of time is boundaries.
Creating and enforcing boundaries with an HCP ex is often hard-fought and hard-won.
Please make sure that before you introduce a new partner to your family, that they remove all public photographs of your wedding to your ex or other inappropriate displays of the marriage and family that have now ended.
It may not seem like a big deal, but it sends a message to your new partner that she is an intruder.
It also reinforces your HCP ex’s false belief that she still maintains the numero uno position in your life.
My husband’s ex insisted that I call and introduce myself to her (a.k.a. She tried to position herself as the matriarch of their now-defunct family and make me one of her “subjects.” I refused and insisted that my husband introduce me to her in person, you know, like normal people do.
In reality, it will only serve to make your new partner feel like “the other woman” even though you are divorced.
Your ex no longer gets to dictate how you spend your time and with whom.
She must no longer be permitted to enter your home.
2) Don’t allow your HCP ex to portray your new love interest as “the other woman.” While it’s important to keep your dating life separate from your HCP ex, it’s equally important that you not hide any serious girlfriends or significant others from the HCP.
This may sound like contradictory advice and, in a sense, it is.
This means that HCPs continuously draw their exes into their internal turmoil and drama regardless of the divorce and subsequent re-coupling.